“It gets better. It’s hard to believe it right now, but I promise. It gets better.”
September 10th is designated as World Suicide Prevention Day. Observed every year, World Suicide Prevention Day, provides worldwide commitment and action to prevent suicides, with various activities around the world.
World Suicide Prevention Day, first began in 2003 as an IASP (International Association for Suicide Prevention) initiative. The WHO (World Health Organization) co-sponsors this event.
Need Help/Know Someone Who Needs Help
Suicide Hotline Call 1-800-273-8255
If it were physically possible to turn around and look back at the road I’d traveled within my life, I could blaze a paper trail of books-worth of countless run-ins with bullying and times I have felt broken and depressed.
School was a Lion’s Den of social and mental bullying and torture like none other from day one to the finish line. Causing me at times to hate life. No one should ever be driven to hate their own life. However in any regard, I rose above and had only become stronger as a result of it.
In the very beginning stages of becoming diagnosed with Epilepsy in 2008, I was also still a newlywed of just 4 months. Having to cope with a serious and frightening diagnosis unfamiliar to me at that time, coming to terms that we would be losing our very first home that we had received together as a married couple, medical bills raining down upon us like ashes from a fire that had engulfed our dreams, I had quickly found myself swallowed up by the tides of depression.
Blending into the mix, I too had an internal struggle with adjusting to epilepsy medication side effects which some included bouts of depression, making the entire ordeal the toughest uphill climb of my life.
Having lost our home, being newlyweds, learning to cope with this new medical condition I had never heard of before at that time, mastering a new way of living my life each and every day, and so on and so forth, I began to find it difficult at times to want to get out of bed. I began to find it difficult to want to socialize with family and friends. I began to find it difficult to have an appetite to eat or to find humor or joy in much of anything.
I’d often found myself looking over at my husband feeling so sad and ‘wanting better for him’. Wanting him to ‘go on without me’ so that he ‘could have a better wife and family’. So that ‘I would not hold him back’ or ‘prevent him from these things’. These were my thoughts during this time.
When a day had come where I could no longer suppress the pain and heartache I was feeling inside, I broke down and wept. Releasing everything that I was feeling inside to my husband. How I was feeling about my health, how I felt about our marriage, my depression etc.
How thankful to God that I am, that I had opened up and released what I was feeling inside. It was like a 10,000 pound weight sitting upon me had dashed into water away from me. My loving husband and best friend and hero came to my rescue. As did my wonderful blessing of a family!
Each of them vowing to stand by my side and take this journey with me. Reminding me most importantly that God is always with me and that He knows what I go through. He knows the difficulties I face and He hears me when I call out to Him.
It was the burst of sunlight I needed to break apart the storm clouds cloaked above me to prompt me to stand and fight. Thus I did. Metaphorically speaking, I threw back the covers, I stood up and I chose that I would no longer be a victim to my condition. I decided I would learn everything there was to learn about epilepsy.
I decided I was going to fight.
Not today Epilepsy. Not any day.