When Medication Stops, The Fight Doesn’t Stop

Diagnosed with epilepsy in 2008, I will have been living with epilepsy eight years. In 2002, I was met with my very first grand mal seizure at the age of sixteen. Placed on two different types of medication for a year. This tamed the beast until it awoke again in 2008.

Over the course of eight years, I’ve been a passenger riding the ups and the downs of many medications. At least eight different antiepileptic drugs (AED’s) in total.

There are several types of epilepsy. Recently, I discovered that I in fact have Refractory Epilepsy. This particular type of epilepsy means that medicine isn’t bringing your seizures under control. Other different phrases might be used to describe this including:

  • Uncontrolled
  • Intractable
  • Drug resistant

Within these eight different AED’s I experienced what neurologists like to call “The Honeymoon Phase”. For a brief moment, I breathed a sigh of relief as the beast of my seizures had been tamed. Thinking “Perhaps we have finally conquered this beast!” only for it to return shortly afterward. No tweaking of the medications would tame it. Only douse me in a multitude of horrendous side effects.

It’s easy to let hope slip through your fingers like sand and turn your back on faith when medication stops. I have been at this fork in the road. However, when medication stops, the fight doesn’t stop. The fight must continue on. Epilepsy or whatever condition you’re currently up against, must not be the ruler of your life.

Epilepsy must not be the ruler of your life.

Yes there are difficult moments and days. Yes there are grueling moments and days. Even so, take these moments and days and allow it to be fuel to burn for the fight to continue on.

Every breath that I take, I vow to power another step and another step forward. As long as it takes, whatever it takes to put an end to this beast that has picked a fight with my brain and I.

When medication stops, the fight doesn’t stop. It only empowers me to go. Go on because I love life too much. I love my spouse too much. I love my family too much. I love my friends too much. I love it all too much to give up and give in to epilepsy.

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