It’s hard to imagine thanking anything or anyone that has barged into your life unexpected and flipped it entirely upside down. Stirring your emotions in a tornadic way. Leaving you with many uncertainties and feelings of worry or fear. Almost as if standing in the middle of the aftermath of an intense hurricane. Left to begin anew, following the diagnosis.
I was diagnosed almost nine years ago. Four months after marrying the love of my life. Days before our birthdays, and just a few short weeks before Christmas. My whole world felt as if it had collapsed on me. I felt empty and devastated. Wondering why this had happened to me. Thinking long and hard if I had done anything within my life to have maybe caused this to have happened. I blamed myself. I blamed God. Depression was my blanket for the coldness that had overcome me. My outlook on the future was a dead end.
That is, until my husband and family banned together to lift me up. Piece me back together and ignite a fire in my spirit. I had hit rock bottom, however sometimes the best part about rock bottom is that you can only go up from there.
And so in doing so, I gained a new perspective. A new outlook on my diagnosis. I set aside the blame. The feelings of emptiness and devastation faded away. I no longer let time pass by with wonder and questioning my regrets of the past. Do I blame myself? No. Do I blame God? Not at all. Emotionally, I cannot say that I am perfect. No one can. If they did, they would be lying. I do all that I can to be okay with my diagnosis. I have accepted it. At times, I will find myself sad. Sometimes, I wipe away a tear or two. Most times, I feel empowered.
The best part about rock bottom is that you can only go up from there.
My outlook on the future is positive absolutely. I don’t know what the lies ahead, of course. No one does, unless you’re Dr. Emmett Brown from Back To The Future. If my epilepsy is cured, wonderful. If it is not, I accept this. In my heart, my passion is to spend my life educating and advocating to and with all who are affected by epilepsy and the public. To have a family most definitely and lead a happy, healthy life.
I laugh, ironically, at the thought of the things I thank epilepsy for. Below is the list:
- Thank you for showing me who my true friends are.
- Thank you for bringing my family and I closer together.
- Thank you for causing me to analyze myself and remove all that was unhealthy in my life.
- Thank you for giving me the inspiration to take on a healthier lifestyle.
- Thank you for drawing me closer to God.
- Thank you for making my husband and I’s relationship even stronger than it has ever been and will ever be.
- Thank you for giving me the courage to overcome my timidness.
- Thank you for helping me accept and take on challenges.
- Thank you for helping me to become more creative.
- Thank you for helping me become an advocate against you.
- Thank you for helping me become motivated to help others rise above you.
Thank you for being the mountain that I stand atop of and plant my flag and proclaim, “I will not be overcome.”
What would you thank epilepsy for? Share your list in the comments below.