“Because I love you, because I care for you, because I know what you endure… you will never endure alone.” – Chris Kairos
December 11, 2008, what seemed like a normal day, while at work, I received a call that my newlywed wife of 4 months and woman of my dreams was being rushed to the hospital after unconsciously driving off the side of the road and hitting a tree. Needless to say, my world was instantly flipped upside-down. I had no idea what to expect. I rushed to the hospital, praying the whole way. Thankfully, when I arrived, it turned out that she was not badly injured, but after multiple tests were ran to determine what happened, the doctor returned to explain that she had a seizure while driving. When she was 16 years old she had 1 seizure, and now, 7 years later, another one. With this being the case, she was automatically diagnosed with epilepsy. When the doctor left the room, I could see her sink under the weight of the diagnosis, even more-so, I could feel it. I sank with her. That day, many things changed.
As days turned to months and months turned to years, her battle with epilepsy warred-on. Her pain is my pain, because I love her. Her joy is my joy, because I love her. Every time she had a seizure I was with her. Every doctor’s visit, every prescription change/refill/adjustment, every time she had to go somewhere (because of understandably not wanting to drive), every time she cried, every time she was frustrated or sad, I was with her. But I was also with her every time she smiled, every time she laughed, every time she rose above her diagnosis, every time she was inspired, inspired others, or unknowingly inspired me. I am her biggest fan, because I love her.
I, personally, am not good at and don’t generally like to talk about myself but for the sake of this article I’ll do my best…
In no way will I ever literally compare myself to someone with epilepsy but because I love someone so much with epilepsy, I do have a form of epilepsy all my own, ‘Secondary Epilepsy’.
No, I don’t experience seizures but I do feel pain when a seizure affects her. A sense of sadness and physical helplessness is inevitable to feel. Even though it’s all we want, she can’t make it stop and neither can I. I do everything I can in the meantime to protect her, but like her, have no choice but to have to just wait for it to pass. Usually after grand-mal seizures, it’s not uncommon to be unconscious, so I make sure she is comfortable somewhere where she can sleep, while I stay with her until she wakes up. During those times, I’ve cried, prayed, done research… looking for possible cures, causes or ways to help, or just thinking about how much I love her and how I would give anything in the world to take it away. As to where seizures are her burden, the magnitude of my love and helplessness are mine.
No, I don’t take the medication(s). But our alarms are synced in case one or the other doesn’t go off, so everytime she takes her medication, multiple times a day, I experience those reminders. It’s as if I emotionally take them with her each time. When the alarm goes off, my thoughts sometimes consist of things like, “I’m glad she at least has something to help try and keep seizures away”, “I wish she didn’t have to take any medication at all”, “I hate that she has to go through this”, “I know you will heal her in your timing God”, “I wish doctors could do more”, “I love her sooo much”.
True love is the most wonderful thing we can experience while we’re alive. But as everyone who has truly loved knows, it also hurts at times. I guess you could say that I have a great sense of empathy. I just see it simply as love. Whatever she goes through, I go through it with her… all the way. If you don’t love this way, start now. Love is the best medication. It can’t be bought or chemically manufactured. Yes, it hurts once in a while but it is all worth it. Regardless of the condition, situation or circumstances, love conquers all.
Despite her epilepsy, my wife is still a strong, wonderful person, and the woman of my dreams. And as long as she has epilepsy I will have secondary epilepsy. I choose to love her and walk with her every step of the way through this journey, and always will.