God Gave A Gift

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

After my car accident and Epilepsy diagnosis, I was left with time to think. Plenty of time. Time in my hospital bed recovering. In between Cat Scans, EEG tests and MRI’s. I had lost my car and my job. Eventually our home. In times such as these, when you’re standing in the middle of the road unsure of what to do or where to go, unable to make much sense of what’s happening, some people find themselves angry with God. Some people find themselves in these moments clinging onto God the strongest. When all was said and done, I found myself confused and blank on the inside. I wanted to feel something. Anything really! I just didn’t have it in me to feel one certain emotion for too long. Everything felt like a dream. A really long dream. This carried over with me even adjusting at home. I continued to have plenty of time to think. A day came, as I’m sure it has for many who walk along this same journey as me, where I finally broke awake and I cried. I believe that I cried more tears than I ever knew I had within me. When mornings came I cried. Throughout the day I found myself crying. As day turned to night I cried. Even crying myself to sleep at times. I wondered why me? What had I done wrong to deserve this? Was this punishment? I scanned my past in my mind with precision like searching for a specific word in a dictionary, trying to figure the worst thing I’d ever done. Given, I am not a perfect person and I most certainly had made mistakes, I was resolved to the fact that I just couldn’t be sure. Over the course of time, I rode the waves of emotions trying to make sense of it all. The strongest emotions I think I encountered was sadness and worry. Wondering what my life might be like from here on out. I wished so much that I could speak with God one on one. I had many questions for Him. One thing however that I didn’t have for Him was anger. In my heart, I know God is not a God of sorrow and breaking hearts. In 1 Corinthians 14: 33, it says “For God is not a God of confusion but of peace”.  I was simply just left with “Why?” In my search for answers and clinging to God for strength and hope, I came across one of my most favorite Bible passages and quotes from God.

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

As if God were speaking directly to me, a reviving breath of fresh air filled my soul. I instantly knew the answer of why this particular event had happened in my life.  Isaiah 64: 8 “Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” I wasn’t being punished for something that I had done in the past. I was being molded and strengthened. Like growing pains when we are young, sometimes growing hurts. We grow taller and stronger. We lose a baby tooth and we gain a stronger permanent tooth. I felt within me that God was telling me, it was time to grow stronger than I’d ever been before. I felt God saying “I know you’re confused right now but TRUST ME. I’ve got your best interest at heart. Whatever happens, trust me.” From then on out, I did just that. I wiped the tears from my eyes and I stood back up. I stood back up with a drive and a purpose. I was going to learn about this condition that was with me. I vowed to learn all that I could about Epilepsy and help all who had this very same condition. Not only that, but I vowed to change my entire life and dedicate myself to helping everyone in need. It did indeed strengthen me more than I could’ve ever imagined. Over time, I found my confidence again. I found my voice again. I discovered a me I never knew before. I continually found myself astonishing my own self. I learned to smile again, laugh again and love life again. I lost so much only to gain so much more. God gave a gift, not a curse.

If you’ve just been diagnosed or if you’ve been diagnosed for a long time, its okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad and angry. God understands all of that. Cry it out and even yell if you must. But when you’ve exhausted all of that, wipe the tears from your eyes and stand back up. Most importantly, don’t be angry with God. Trust God. With every ounce of strength within you trust Him. God has so much good in store for you. You may not see it right away but walk in faith and soon enough you will see the gift that lies in wait.

1 John 4:16

“God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”

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